What I Really Was (Am)

(with Gratitude to Elias, Various Nondual Teachers, and Wonderful Friends)

Dear Carol,
Today I read some of your journals,
your scribbled print, non-linear dates,
incomplete thoughts, moments of clarity and immense joy
and, often, disturbing searches for peace to fill the vacuum
you thought you were.

You thought you were.

You thought you were required
to be what you weren't
before you'd be worthy
to be.

You thought you were special and damaged and right and wrong and,
if you only did more
yoga poses,
meditation,
reading of wise books,
and saying of smart things,
you would no longer be what
you thought you were.

Dear Carol,
When I read some of your journals today,
your scribbled print, non-linear dates,
incomplete thoughts, moments of clarity and immense joy
and, often, disturbing searches for peace to fill the vacuum
you thought you were,

I knew the words were not
the clean white sheets
of paper,
and it was so very obvious
that old beliefs rehearsed quite often
never touched the clear beauty of

what you are.

Love,

Love